Author Archives: Scott

We Are All Much Greater Than Our Egos

Have you ever struggled with someone difficult in your life? Do you know how to spot narcissism? I saw this “Narcissist Check List” in a meme on Facebook recently, and it hit a little too close to home:

– Two-faced, critical of others behind their backs
– Blames others for failures
– Acts different in public and private
– Unreliable
– Superior Attitude
– Lives in fantasy world of porn and affairs, and dreams of fame
– Distorts facts to suit own agenda
– Irresponsible with money
– Only emotionally available when wants something
– Lacks empathy for others
– Controlling
– Provokes others, then blames them for fight
– Can’t admit mistakes

Psychologist Stephen Johnson describes a narcissist as someone who has “buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.”

The Mayo Clinic describes narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. Behind this mask of ultra confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism… Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around talk therapy (psychotherapy).”

In my younger years I was a classic narcissist. I’m not a big fan of labels like this, or labels at all for that matter, but the hard reality was that in my 20s and 30s and even into my early 40s, I fit most, and at times all, of the characteristics in the above list.
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A couple tools for manifesting what you want

Tools for Manifesting Your Desires - Tools for Manifesting Abundance

Need a little help manifesting something? Or changing your thoughts on a subject? Have you read The Secret but struggled to make it work for you? Here’s a couple tools that may help:

What do you want? Define it clearly. Get a mental image of it in your mind. If it’s something less tangible, use a mental image of the changes likely to occur if it manifests. A house or a car are easy to conjure up in your mind. A job when you’re unemployed may be more difficult. In the case of the job, picture yourself happily going to work. See yourself (happily) depositing your generous paycheck. See your bills paid and your savings account building. Create images in your mind.

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Is there any news I can really trust?

Ponder for a minute why we’re fascinated with news. Or what we perceive as news. We feel like it’s our responsibility to watch, to follow, to act upon it. We depend on the flow of information on TV, the internet, Facebook and Twitter to make decisions, decisions such as whether we’ll be supporting a candidate or a cause, or wanting to stop a candidate or cause.

Most, if not all of what we read has a “spin” these days. Our opinions are automatically shaped by reading other’s spins. It can take reading a lot of other’s spins, from different perspectives to get a sense of the truth. Most don’t do that. Their opinions and decisions are formed based on the massive flow of PR & marketing put out by corporate firms supporting the politicians and special interest groups. Corporate news is not based on news, it is based on attracting the most attention. It has nothing to do with truth or reality. What is the end result? This new quasi-news incites some to great fear, and incites others to great indignation and opposition. It incites. It regularly blows my mind that someone educated and intelligent is making these editorial decisions. Why? Because stories with no purpose other than to incite attract people that want to be incited. Continue reading

What is the definition of judgement? (And how does judgement f*ck up my karma?)

What is judgement? There’s good judgment, the kind that we strive to get better at… where we evaluate something (hopefully) accurately and make a (hopefully successful) decision. And then there’s being judgmental, or what I call limiting judgment.

The first I see as a wise and thoughtful judge’s decision in court, an example of the latter would be Nancy Grace giving a personal opinion with her lips pursed on Court TV.

The dictionary’s definition of judgement is “to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely”. I think this definition of judgment is partly why we think it’s ok to hold limiting judgments of ourselves and of others. The definition states that our judgment is objective, authoritative and wise. Most judgments we hold of ourselves and others are neither objective nor wise. (Authoritative yes… our egos really love to be right.)

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What is that cramp in my stomach?!

What if… we each have our own means to guide us through our lives? What if each one of us has our own guidance system built-in? And what if all we have to do to live the life of our dreams is to understand how our guidance system works and follow it?  What if our lack of understanding about how our personal guidance system works, (and our mis-reading and mistaking the queues sent to us by it), is the true culprit when we find ourselves in periods of our lives that we’re receiving much of what we don’t want?

Our emotional guidance system is a mechanism, (or more accurately a series of mechanisms within each one of us) that can really help us maneuver joyfully through life.

When we think about (or observe or experience) something and feel totally blissful and calm inside, and the voice within us is either quiet or encouraging, our emotional guidance system is confirming that it’s cool to move forward in that direction. Deepak Chopra refers to this as you letting you know that what you’re observing is “karmically appropriate”.

“Karmically appropriate” = “Yeah! That’s cool! Go in that direction.”

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I’m not gonna cry. I’m not gonna cry. I’m not gonna cry anymore.

What if… emotional journeys are a healthy part of a healthy life? They are, provided we let our shit go as we’re moving through it. When we hang onto drama or emotional turbulence (or re-create it) we gain much less forward movement from our emotional journeys.

Emotional journey = Moving through/past a fear energy that’s accompanied by a strong emotional response such as grief, sadness, panic, hopelessness, etc.

All of us have thoughts, memories, childhood fears, etc, that are limiting us, or have limited us at one time. The cat that scratched you or the dog that bit you when you were a toddler can cause much fear and carry much energy for you as an adult. Fears related to abandonment after your parent’s divorce can linger for decades. And it’s not just childhood experiences that cause fears. At different times of my life I’ve had loved one’s illnesses, a failed business, and painful relationship breakups, all profoundly affected me.

Some I moved past easily. Others not so much. Some of these experiences left me with large, untaken emotional journeys that limited me for many years.

So how do I release them? First, by allowing myself to acknowledge the fears. One by one, I ask myself “what are the fears I came out of this painful experience with?” As I face the fears, I allow myself to feel the emotions of sadness, fear, loss, hopelessness or grief that accompany them, with the intention of releasing it all and letting it go.

So many people fear crying. No one dies from crying, we die from the shit we don’t allow ourselves to cry about. The great majority of us here die from the unresolved fear and pain that we’ve suppressed and refused to allow to surface. And before we die from these unresolved issues, we live in physical, mental and emotional pain and suffering related to them.

To get past it we have to go through it. To go through it we have to allow it to the surface, accept and own it, move through it, and then choose to let go of it.

The Dalai Lama on Warm-heartedness

I love this clip of the Dalai Lama promoting warm-heartedness. I love it.

I challenge all of us (including myself) to try something today: Every situation and person that you encounter that ticks you off, causes fear, or any other unwanted feeling or thought, love them & yourself. Let go of your fear, anger, etc, and send yourself warm heartedness (love/acceptance/adoration) first, and then send more of that warm heartedness out to whatever/whoever pissed you off.

It’s not as easy as it seems, but POWERFUL! Happy Friday everyone!

Click here to view: The Dalai Lama on Warm Heartedness on YouTube

Karma is Buddhist for I’m rubber, you’re glue… Quotes on Karma

Your believing or not believing in karma has no effect on its existence, nor on its consequences to you. Just as a refusal to believe in the ocean would not prevent you from drowning.

F Paul Wilson, The Tomb

Karma is the term used in Buddhist teaching for the “record of services”. Taoists use the term “te”. Christians us the term “deed.” Many other spiritual beings use the term “virtue.” Karma, te, deed, and virtue are the same thing but in different words. To understand karma is to understand all of these words.

Zhi Gang Sha, The Power of Soul

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

Wayne Dyer

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Rumours

What are rumours? What is gossip? Does it really hurt anything?

One dictionary’s definition of gossip is: Idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.

My favorite quote on gossip is: Talking shit about someone when they’re not there to either verify the smack you’re talking or shut you up.

I have a large family. If I were to count just first cousins and their spouses and children on both parents’ sides it’s probably around 250. I’m closest to my mom’s side of the family, and we number well over 100. There’s more than 40 in my immediate family alone, just my siblings, our spouses and kids. Most still live within an hour drive of each other, many still live in the same town we were born and raised in.

I’m close to many in my family, especially my cousins. We were best friends growing up, and have remained close as adults. Most stay pretty connected, and the rest of us see each other at least once a year, sometimes more. What happens when the family gets together? Frequently, they talk about each other, especially those that are not there (or at least not within ear shot). Now I love Rumours… the Fleetwood Mac variety. (I have multiple copies of it on both vinyl and CD, and it’s still awesome after almost 40 years.) I’m not talking here about Fleetwood Mac Rumours though, I’m talking about rumors told about others. Somehow talking about the private lives of Mick, John, Christine, Stevie and Lindsey helped them sell more albums. Talking about the folks in my family is likely to get you on a list, but not a backstage pass list… the family shit list.

It’s important to say that we all love each other in this family, treat each other kindly, and are supportive and protective of each other. We’re a fun-loving, connected and very “civil” tribe. And in our defense, it’s not usually mean-spirited gossip. More like sort-of-well-meaning gossip. You know the kind… if we were from the south each sentence would end with a “bless her heart”. “Bless his/her heart” may feel like instant redemption or soften what was just said for the southern masses, after skewering the hell out of someone behind their back, but it doesn’t really work that way.

Some of us are worse at gossiping than others; many years ago I was in the worst category. I was unhappy, and others’ unhappiness somehow made mine not seem so bad. The older, happier and more secure I’ve become, and the more I understand all the “invisible” shit that gossiping causes, the more carefully I call myself on it. I really do work at it, I think we all do… it’s not always easy though. Because we care about each other, we are genuinely interested in each other’s lives. Benign conversations such as “oh you saw so-and-so, how are they?” can unwittingly go from “the vacation to Italy went great last month…” to “but you know she’s gained a lot of that weight back that she lost…”.  I want to hear about the weddings, births, funny and loving stories about what happened at the graduation last week, and all the other good news that’s public knowledge. I no longer want to hear about anything that’s personal or private or none of my business. Innocent catching up and well-meaning inquiries can sometimes careen from sort-of-well-meaning to a little mean-spirited. And even the sort-of-well-meaning variety of gossip has caused a lot of hurt feelings, and gotten many of us in hot water at various times.

Now I have to admit, I love gossip synonyms almost as much as I love quotes on karma. In my family we have many cute pet names for gossip…

“putting ‘em on the pit” as in “roasting them”.

“Sharing concern”. (Yeah, right.)

Or my personal favorite, “stirring the pot” as in “stirring up someone else’s shit”. (Just what everyone wants and needs, to have their personal shit, the shit that they’re probably already struggling with, stirred up for the sake of someone else’s insecurity or entertainment.)

I always somehow knew it was wrong, and felt guilty about it, especially when I was younger and did a lot of it. And getting caught talking about someone that you care about is just freakin’ awful. As I began learning more about our physical and spiritual experiences here, it began to occur to me that we have the ability to affect each other in so many ways we’re not aware of. I now know that having someone talk about you can cause you to not feel good… whether you hear it, or someone tells you about it, or not. Regardless whether you are consciously aware of what was said or not, regardless whether you’re aware anyone was talking about you at all, you’re energetically aware of it. We’re all energetically connected to each other. There have been scientific studies that prove that we are all connected non-locally. That feeling of knowing who is on the other end of the phone before you see the caller ID, even when you weren’t expecting them to call. They had a thought of you, called you, and before you saw the caller ID you picked up on their thinking of you.

Here’s how (I think) this works…
You’re angry at (pick one: son/father/daughter/mother/spouse/friend) and you’re stewing on it. Even though you’re not in the same physical location as they are, you’re thinking about them and you’re not happy with them. The more you think the thoughts, the stronger and more frequent the thoughts get. Pretty soon you’re having a hard time thinking of anything else and you’re really pissed off at them.

The more you think of this person, the more you come up in their awareness (their thoughts). They start thinking about you, or they’ll experience a memory with you in it. They’ll be thinking of you, because you’ve opened some kind of energy channel between the two of you by feeling something very strongly as you’re thinking about them. They’re now thinking about you, and as you come up in their awareness or memory, they’re also now feeling the same emotion (anger) that you’re feeling. So you’re now in their thoughts, and if they’re not pretty tapped into bliss and joy at the moment, the anger that you’re sharing with them is going to be felt by then, it’s going to surface. The energies that you’re experiencing are going to be experienced by them. And chances are they won’t understand why they’re angry at you, but they will be. Sometimes there may have been an old, unresolved hurt that will suddenly pop-up in their thoughts, an old anger or resentment will surface from a year ago that is unrelated to what you’re ruminating on them about. Or they’ll get angry at themselves and maybe blame you for it. It just depends on what’s “stewing and brewing” deep down within them. But it was all activated and caused within them, by your angry thoughts of them. (You’ve just earned the opposite of a karma credit, which is good, you’ve now created a little karmic debit.)

Likewise, if someone thinks an extended, adoring series of thoughts of you, chances are that person will come up in your thoughts, even if you’re in a different home, state or country, and the thoughts and feelings you’ll experience will be positive, warm and fuzzy. (Does this help you understand instant karma meaning? Do or say something nice, magic happens. Do or say something mean, bad shit happens.)

Many of us talk smack about others to connect with the group we’re with. Maybe we’re really loving being with each other, and we’ve run out of things to talk about, but we don’t want our time together to end, so (out of habit) we start talking about those that we have a common connection with.

The gossip thing is judgment, and we’ve all done it. It’s a part of the human experience to some degree, but it’s harmful nonetheless. Whether the limiting judgment is of yourself (negative self-talk) or someone else (gossip), it’s hurting you, it’s hurting you physically, it’s hurting your karma, and it’s hurting the person you’re gossiping about energetically, whether they’re made aware of your gossip or not.

Elvis Presley said “Everybody comes from the same Source. If you hate another human being, you’re hating part of yourself.” I believe this is true. Even if you’re not hating them, if you gossip about them you’re harming them, and yourself. The next time you start to put someone on the pit, try to hold a genuine compassionate thought of them instead. You’ll be helping and healing yourself, your karma, and the planet…